Feb 2nd 2012, 5:14:12
Well every great discovery starts with a theory. Once upon a time a Neanderthal was masturbating in the mid afternoon like he usually did when he saw a female walk by. in a moment of masturbatory clarity he theorized that sex would be more fun. So he tried it and it was! So he kept doing it and spread the word so the Neanderthals all over Europe started doing it.
He soon began to have less fun cause the female learned she could get things for sex. He then stared to have to get her fine elk skins and exotic berries. He was content because he was still getting laid. Then she started getting moody and fat! So he was turned off but the power of sex drove him on. After 9 months she got pregnant and had a kid. At first he was ecstatic she didn't look so fat! He soon realized it was another mouth to feed and more work. after 4 kids he couldn't handle it anymore and returned to masturbating.
Being the intelligent creatures they are he spread the word. Sex isn't worth the hassle! So they all went back to masturbating and taught there young boys that sex wasn't worth it and to just masturbate in the bushes while checking girls out. the women however secretly told the daughters the power they had and they used it to trick boys into sex. This lead to rampant unhappiness and divorce. The girls were still happy they got half of his stuff and child support. After a few generations men took heed of their for fathers advice more and more. They lived out their lives happy and masturbated whenever they wanted at no cost. The word spread and the population tapered off to nothing. Proving Neanderthals were smarter than us! The end
He soon began to have less fun cause the female learned she could get things for sex. He then stared to have to get her fine elk skins and exotic berries. He was content because he was still getting laid. Then she started getting moody and fat! So he was turned off but the power of sex drove him on. After 9 months she got pregnant and had a kid. At first he was ecstatic she didn't look so fat! He soon realized it was another mouth to feed and more work. after 4 kids he couldn't handle it anymore and returned to masturbating.
Being the intelligent creatures they are he spread the word. Sex isn't worth the hassle! So they all went back to masturbating and taught there young boys that sex wasn't worth it and to just masturbate in the bushes while checking girls out. the women however secretly told the daughters the power they had and they used it to trick boys into sex. This lead to rampant unhappiness and divorce. The girls were still happy they got half of his stuff and child support. After a few generations men took heed of their for fathers advice more and more. They lived out their lives happy and masturbated whenever they wanted at no cost. The word spread and the population tapered off to nothing. Proving Neanderthals were smarter than us! The end